Rest, Relaxation, and Resentment
by Auroura
Summary: CRACK. Set during 358/2 Days, and does not take the new info about Xion into account. Roxas and Axel plan to relax after their mission in Twilight Town, but things don’t always go as planned.


Title: Rest, Relaxation, and Resentment

Characters: Axel, Roxas, "XIV", Demyx

Rating: PG-13 for Axel's potty mouth

Summary: CRACK. Set during 358/2 Days. Roxas and Axel plan to relax after their mission in Twilight Town, but things don't always go as planned.

They had just finished their mission in Twilight Town. II and VII had left to report the results to the Superior, leaving Roxas and Axel behind. The two Nobodies were standing in the Station Plaza, looking from the balcony towards the rest of the town. Axel had already gotten the ice cream, and they were overdue for some hard-earned relaxation.

"Sea-Salt ice cream?" Roxas asked.

"Check!" Axel answered. "Station attendants otherwise occupied?"

"Check! Ice cream _not in a pocket where it will melt?_"

"Check, and that only happened once; gimme a break already."

"I'm just making sure," Roxas responded. "Demyx was asking some pretty awkward questions after you got him to clean your coat the last time."

"It's _memorized_, okay?" Axel retorted. "Just unlock the side door, already, so we can get to the roof. I don't know why we can't portal up there."

"It's more fun this way," Roxas said. "Now c'mon, I want to take a break after fighting that Darkside." He summoned a keyblade, ready to open the door to the Station tower, but it was, alas, not fated to occur.

"Naargpth!" Axel said, distressed. Roxas turned to see a Soldier Heartless gnawing enthusiastically on the other Nobody's head. Nine more of the same type launched themselves at the pair, five Crimson Jazzes and three Large Bodies following close behind.

Normally, low-level Heartless such as these would be no problem for the duo currently fighting them off, but the combination of weariness from their previous battle and the Crimson Jazzes' immunity to fire was wearing their defenses extremely thin.

"Got any potions left?" Roxas called, trying to beat one of the Large Bodies into submission.

"No, I already used them when we were fighting the Darkside," Axel responded, slicing through a Crimson Jazz with a chakram-sans-fire.

"This wouldn't happen if you would let me use Cura instead of wasting our resources all the time," Roxas complained, gritting his teeth at the bleeding claw-wound in his leg.

"Well, _I'm_ not the one who got his ribs broken, so you can thank-" Axel began, but was interrupted when a dark sword slashed through the remaining heartless, leaving only black smoke behind where yellow eyes and sharp claws once were. The hooded figure who had been wielding the sword quickly dismissed it and tossed a hi-potion each to the two Nobodies.

"Oh, it's you," Axel said flatly as the figure removed their hood, revealing a tall, dark-skinned girl with light hair.

"Number XIV," Roxas said, with the hint of a smile after he had drunk the proffered healing item, "nice work. Thanks for the hi-potion, by the way."

"Oh, Roxas," the girl giggled in a high voice, smiling sweetly. "How many times have I told you? I want you to call me Kirux." Axel downed his hi-potion violently and tried not to roll his eyes. Despite the girl's seeming friendliness towards Roxas, Axel couldn't trust her; something about her just seemed...off.

"Ah, sorry," Roxas replied, "it's a force of habit, really."

"But I thought we were friends," Kirux pouted, seemingly disappointed as she crossed her arms over her petite chest.

"Er, I guess…" Roxas began, cheeks flushed a pale pink.

"I just came to Twilight Town to spend some time with my friend," the girl continued, now twirling a strand of her shoulder-length silver hair in one finger, "and I even helped him get rid of the Heartless here, but I suppose he has better things to do now." Axel ground his teeth, and hoped that the other two couldn't hear.

"Hey, hey, that's not true!" Roxas protested, ears still a bit pink. "We can hang out today, right Axel?" The blond looked over to said redhead, who was now holding in a scream of frustration. This was supposed to be _his_ time to hang out with Roxas, and that little stupid XIV had to ruin it again.

"Oh, yes, Axel," Kirux said, batting her aquamarine eyes enthusiastically, "please let me hang out with you boys today!"

"Sure," Axel replied, albeit extremely strained, "I don't see why not. In fact, why don't I go get us some more ice cream? The ones I had in my pocket have melted."

"Oh, thank you ever so much!" Kirux said brightly. She turned to Roxas, who was now smiling as well. "Roxas, can you unlock the door to the tower with that big, long, _powerful_ Keyblade of yours?" She ran her hand down his arm suggestively and batted her eyes again.

"A-alright," Roxas said, smiling and blushing again.

"I'll go get the ice cream from the freezer in the Castle," Axel muttered mutinously, although neither of the other two seemed to hear him. He opened a dark portal to The World that Never Was and stalked through.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"And that's really what happened?" Demyx asked skeptically, overseeing a few of his clones washing Axel's coat.

"Yes," Axel said angrily, sitting on a chair in his pants and boots, chakram-patterned boxers peeking above his waistline. "God, that little bitch couldn't keep her hands _off_ him, could she?"

"Mmm-hm," Demyx answered as he added more X-Tra Strength Cleanser of Absent LatherTM. "Very interesting."

"I mean, I doubt if that tan is even _real_, "Axel continued. "Did I tell you I found some bottles of self-tanner in the trash near her room recently? And everyone who's No One knows that Xemnas's tan is natural."

"I see your point," the other Nobody said absently as he removed the water from the now-clean black coat. "Your uniform is clean again."

"And her boobs are so small, I doubt she even wears a bra!" the redhead ranted, taking the article of clothing from Demyx and beginning to don his outfit again. "Even _Larxene's_ were bigger than that, and – oh, thanks."

"Look, Axel," Demyx asked flatly, "does this mean you aren't getting any from Roxas anymore? Because you've been really pissy lately, and I'd be _extremely_ grateful if I didn't have to remove any more questionable stains for you."

"It's _Sea-Salt ice cream_, dammit!" Axel practically shouted as he thrust his arms into the sleeves of his coat.

"Wow," Demyx said, somewhat impressed, "I didn't think it was possible for your face to get redder than your hair. Xigbar owes me 800 munny now."

"AAAUUGGH!" Axel finally screamed, zipping his coat and storming off. He needed to burn something, and he knew _just_ whose room he was going to start with.


End file.
